Here's the thing: you probably didn't see it coming. You thought it was an innocent post. Pretty much everyone feel the way you do. Or it was just a joke and someone took it WAY too seriously.
Or maybe you did mean it. Maybe a part of being the real you means that now and then, you are going to say something someone doesn't like.
Either way, it's happened.
Here's what happens with me. First, all the blood runs to my face. My mind races. I feel remorse, I feel stupid, and I feel embarrassed. That quickly turns in to anger and outrage at the person who was offended. What's their problem? Why are they so sensitive? Why didn't they have the decency to call me or send their thoughts as a private message instead of throwing me under the bus in front of the entire internet?
For whatever reason, some people view themselves as Facebook vigilantes, scouring their news feed for people who are mistaken and need corrected with a virtual public flogging. We'll thank them someday for exposing our ignorance of everything that they already know is right and true.
I don't always respond to them well. But if I did, this is what I would do.
1. Humanize them in a way that they did not do with you. My first reaction is usually to write a well-worded response to their obvious ignorance. Two can play at their idiotic game. I will tell them why I'm right and they need to get off their high horse.
This is a terrible idea. All it does is blow up the land mine more. Everyone gets sucked into it. And no one feels good about themselves.
Remember that the person who said whatever they said is still a person that God loves. Ugh. We hate that. And they may have a way deeper reason for saying what they did. What people say on Facebook is not always who they are as much as it is a visible symptom of what is going on in their lives.
2. Apologize well. Look, I know you did nothing wrong. You, in fact, are probably incredibly right. But here is what just happened: you have happened upon a wounded bear. Poking it and getting it to admit it that is grumpy will likely result in you being mauled. Instead, see the wound, and apologize. And there's a difference between "I'm sorry" and "I'm sorry you got offended at what I said." The second is not an apology.
Even if you are right, just apologize. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have posted that. I need to realize that the things I say can incite strong feelings in others. I should have been more careful with my words.
I know you don't like this option. You probably disagree with it. You're an American, and we don't apologize. Unless you're on of my readers from Pakistan. In which case, شکریہ پڑھنے کے. Remember, you aren't admitting that your opinion is wrong. But even if my kid accidentally knocks someone down on the playground, I have her apologize, even of that kid wasn't watching where he was going.
3. Message them. Send a private note, reiterate your apology, and then show you care about them as a human being. "Sorry about that. Haven't talked in a while. How have things been?"
You have now turned a potentially volatile land mine into a chance to speak love into someone's life. Whatever point you were trying to make in the comment that ignited all of this was not nearly as important as that.
OK, now let's say that this tactic is a complete failure. The same person feels like they need to constantly police your words. For one, you probably need to post less controversial stuff. Maybe you should just post cute pictures of kittens for a while. Use this one:
You have to still be you, but sometimes you have to know when to back off for a while.
If they still find fault with you, its time to block/unfollow/unfriend them. And that stinks. Message them. Tell them why. Be kind. Be loving. Let them know how they've made you feel. It's going to be messy. But guess what: that's what relationships are. And if you think that these relationships aren't real, once you have one of these discussions, you'll recognize how real they actually feel.
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