Follow Friday: Rob Bell

Confession time: I wish I was as cool as Rob Bell. The glasses. The books.

Written in short phrases.

Mind-bending.

Words made up.

Incarnationified.

The former pastor of Mars Hill Church, creator of the Nooma videos, and author of "Love Wins" has been a lasting presence at the forefront of emerging Christian leadership.

You can try to follow Rob on Facebook and Twitter, but he has already moved on past those forms of social media.

Rob took time out of trailblazing a path to where Christianity is supposed to be in his eyes to sit down with me for a completely fake and in no way real interview that didn't really happen and I am making up. He did not say these things. Any of them.


Me: Hey Rob, thanks for agreeing to meet with me. I know you're busy.

Rob: It's no problem. I love being incarnational with common people.

Me: Yeah, um, it's generous. By the way, I love your glasses. Where did you get them?

Rob: I don't want to tell you.

Me: What?

Rob: I don't want anyone else to have these glasses.

Me: Isn't this a Seinfeld episode?

Rob: No. I came up with this first.

Me: Why don't you want anyone else to have your glasses? You used to have the black plastic rimmed ones. I got some just like them, they're awesome.

Rob: I know. Everyone copied me. I want to be the only one with these new ones.

Me: But those glasses made me a better pastor! I was suddenly relatable, yet slightly more intelligent than those I was talking to. Being a pastor on the growing edge of fashion is so unheard of, I was immediately flocked with adoring parishioners who knew that I knew more than them, and yet would speak about it in trendy, hipster demeanor while showing video clips of...I don't know...a seed sprouting into a plant in the palm of my hand.

Rob: First off, the glasses did nothing for you. By the time you got them, they were out of style. Second, a seed growing in your hand? What is this, 2002?

Me: I have so much to learn from you.

Rob: I know.

Me: So your book "Love Wins" seemed to spark a lot of controversy. What was that all about?

Rob: It was expected. People always have a hard time when you start talking about God's grace. It doesn't make logical sense to them.

Me: What in particular made people so upset?

Rob: I think it was when I said that I wasn't sure that Ghandi was in hell. I just asked the question without giving an answer. I said, "Really? He's in hell? Are we sure of that?"

Me: Yes.

Rob: What?

Me: No, I'm totally sure he's in hell.

Rob: How are you so sure?

Me: His classic quote. He said, "I very much like your Christ."

Rob: I don't follow.

Me: Look, you said "love wins." Ghandi just "liked" Jesus. Love wins. Like loses.

Rob: But what if it isn't about how Ghandi felt about Christ, but how Christ felt about Ghandi?

Me: UNIVERSALIST! ROB BELL IS A UNIVERSALIST!

Rob: No, I'm not. I never said Ghandi was saved.

Me: Yes you did...didn't you?

Rob: No, I just asked the question. Could it be possible that he isn't in hell?

Me: Right, and I answered your question.

Rob: Did you? Or did the question reveal an answer about you?

Me: You just blew my mind.

Rob: It's what I do.

Me: I really want your glasses.

Rob: No.

Me: So what have you been up to recently?

Rob: I've quit my church, moved to Los Angeles, and have begun working with the producer of "Lost" to make a TV show based on my life.

Me: You've got to be kidding.

Rob: It's called "Stronger." It's been picked up by ABC.

Me: You know there is no chance this will work, right?

Rob: Yeah, it's a dumb idea.

Me: I see you are on Facebook and Twitter but don't use it much. I feel like someone at the forefront of new ministry would be really engaged in social media.

Rob: Oh I am, just not on Facebook and Twitter.

Me: Google+? It's more on the cutting edge I guess.

Rob: That has as much a chance of succeeding as "Stronger."

Me: Nice one.

Rob: I use Expluvo.

Me: Expluvo?

Rob: It's new. You probably haven't heard of it.

Me: How new?

Rob: I just made it up.

Me: And yet...I want to be on it. You just say it, and I know if I also do it, I will be cool like you. What is this spell you have over me?

Rob: That's how I roll.