How to Strike up a Conversation at a Coffee Shop with a Stranger

So yesterday I talked about how I believe we need to recover the lost art of striking up a conversation and meeting with people face to face.

Let me start by saying I know that for some of you this is incredibly difficult. You are the silent type. The meek. You say "I am introvert, hear me whisper."

The church is full of introverted pastors. I am not one of them, but I have met lots of them. I am aware that you exist. But that doesn't get you off the hook for needing to meet with people where they are at and have conversations with them. And I think you might actually have an edge in doing this once you get past the first part.

OK, let me set up the scenario for you. You approach the coffee shop you frequent. Go up to the counter and make your order. Here's where you get to do a warm up exercise. Make small talk with the barista. Ask their name. Learn it so you can greet them by name next time. Ask how their weekend was, what they've been up to. Get to know them. Do this every time you come in.

Now that you have your coffee, pick your seat.

HA! You picked the quiet corner in the back didn't you. Amateur. Pick the seat that is most in the open, where you can see the most people, and the most people will walk by. Mine is the table by the counter. People waiting in line have to stand next to me. An empty chair across from me just begging to be sat in.

Now, scan the room. Eavesdrop. Find that person that you find to be interesting. Smile at people. No headphones. Appear free and ready to talk.

You now have two options. Since you are in a prime location, you may be able to greet a passerby who you can then invite to sit down. Always extend your hand, make eye contact, and say, "Hi, I'm (Dan), what's your name?" They'll tell you. If you overheard them talking about something interesting, bring it up and start out with "Didn't mean to overhear, but..."

Your second option if no one stops by is to find someone sitting alone at a table. You need to recognize something about them. Maybe they frequent the place also, you've just never met. Maybe they look vaguely familiar. Maybe you're wearing the same shoes. Just an ice breaker.

I've found that people are creatures of habit and most of the people I see at Caribou are not there for the first time. I've seen them come and go before, and so my opening line is usually, "You know, I've seen you here a lot, but we've never met. I'm Dan." Then just make small talk. What do they do here? Read? Work? Relax?

Now here is where you introverts have the edge. Because I usually want to dominate the conversation. Instead, the best thing to do is to just ask questions and let them do the talking. And you don't have to stick around long (I tend to overstay my welcome). This is the introductory meeting.

Now you've talked. Say "it was nice to meet you" and let them get back to their stuff. You've just made their day.

Because you noticed them.

Now, chances are you'll run into them again. You know their name, you've had the introductory conversation, and actual conversations happen. Congrats! You just made a friend!

Always smile. Always say hi. Always have time to talk to them.

None of this is rocket science. This is basic relationship starting 101 kind of stuff. But many of us stink at it and just reading this made you break out in hives.

The best way to become good at it is to just do it.

I challenge you, right now, to talk to strangers.