I met my new neighbor for the first time the other day. As I approached him, I noticed his face turn white as he glanced down at his shirt. It was a screen print tee shirt with a funny phrase that contained a certain four-letter word. He immediately said, "please forgive my shirt." I laughed and told him I didn't care.
Should he have worried about offending me?
There is a quote by British author Stephen Fry going around the internet recently.
"It's now very common to hear people say 'I'm rather offended by that' as if that gives them certain rights; it's actually nothing more... it's simply a whine. It's no more than a whine. 'I find that offensive,' it has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that,' well so...what?"
Is he right?
It used to be that people were offended when people broke understood cultural norms. Offense happened when someone acted improperly or didn't regard someone with the esteem that they deserve.
The difference today is that people are offended not when someone breaks a cultural norm, but when someone goes against their own personal preferences and beliefs.
If I say or do something that goes against someone's personal preferences or beliefs, but really hurts no one in any way and isn't against any real rule or law, should I apologize? Should I respect their declaration of being offended?
For me, the answer is absolutely not, and absolutely yes. I do not personally care that someone is offended by something I say or do that is in no way wrong...or something that is especially right in my mind. They can be offended all they want. I have a right to do and say what I believe to be right. So in that regard, I don't care at all that others are offended by me.
But in another light, it absolutely matters to me. One of the biggest problems with humanity today is that we have lost any ability to compartmentalize. Politics does a great job of encouraging this. Paul Ryan lied about his marathon time, therefore he will make a terrible Vice President. Obama once followed a religious leader of questionable moral character. Therefore he will make a terrible president.
I once offended someone with an off-color joke on Facebook. Therefore I am a terrible pastor. And maybe even the God I follow isn't worth following.
It's terrible logic, but it's the reality we live in. I have to be careful not to offend, not because I'm wrong or they have a right to not be offended, but because to them, my offense can be viewed as a direct link to what they think about my Jesus.
Having said that, the truth is, the gospel is offensive. The last shall be first? Turn the other cheek? Grace to those who don't deserve it? Questioning the religious elite? Opposing the proud?
No one comes to the Father except through Jesus?
If I'm never offending people, I'm probably not preaching the gospel. The trick is to recover the lost art of offending and loving at the same time. I'm not always good at that, but it's a balance that pastors continually walk. Some err on the side of offending. There's no need to apologize for speaking the truth regardless of whether or not it offends, but they lose people who will listen to them. Some err on the side of loving. They don't offend because they don't want to drive others away, but they lose the gospel.
But we are called as followers of Christ to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). So if I offend, let it be for the sake of the gospel, and I hope that you still know I love you, and most of all that God loves you.
My answer to the question in your post: I agree.
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