Thursday, September 20, 2012

If it is to be, it's up to...someone else.

The birth of my daughter Emilia last week was a huge victory for me.





Not because of anything I did to create her. Let's be honest: I made a deposit 9 months ago and I was just taking my wife to the hospital to make a withdrawal.

For me, Emilia's birth marked a monumental step in an almost 4-year struggle that went back to the birth of my 2nd daughter, Renee. When Holly went to the hospital to be induced with Renee, I began to feel light headed. I got dizzy, nauseous, and shaky. I thought I must be getting sick or something. The next thing I knew I was in the emergency room one floor below my wife's room. Something was definitely not right. After a month of tests, my family doctor began asking me questions about what I was doing leading up to these feelings. At this point I had lost almost 25 pounds. I was weak. I could barely function. To make matters worse, Christmas was coming. For pastors, this is generally considered a pretty busy time.

I told my doctor I had been doing the usual: working a full-time schedule, going to school full-time, being a dad and a husband. I had actually stepped up that pace a bit leading to Renee's birth, since she would be born around exam time. He looked me square in the eye and said, "do you think it could be stress?" I started crying right there in his office.

I had been living by the motto: "I'd better work myself to death while I'm young enough to have the energy to put in crazy hours." More though than the hours was the pressure I put on myself. And I was totally the one putting the pressure on. Sure, other's had expectations of me, but their expectations were nothing compared to mine. I wanted the church to grow. I wanted to get done with school. I wanted to preach and visit and lead. God needs people like me to be in the game, not on the sidelines taking a breather.

Unfortunately, my body and soul couldn't keep up with my heart and mind, and so if I wouldn't take myself out of the game, they were going to do it for me. And I was so focused on getting back in the game, it took me a month of feeling like death to realize what was really happening.

Right then I began the process of getting myself healthy again. And it started with a confession. I've never been as nervous to preach as I was that Sunday. I stood in front of my congregation. I had no notes and only a vague idea of what I was about to say. I don't remember exactly what I said but it was along these lines:

"I have a confession to make. I've failed you as your pastor. The sickness and everything that I've been dealing with the last month has been a direct result of the anxiety that has formed from putting too much pressure on myself, not taking care of myself and my family, and being a terrible example of what a life of balance and discipline is supposed to look like. I'm going to get better. I'm going to be better at this. I need your help and your prayers."

Almost immediately, I noticed a difference. Life was somehow lighter. I disciplined myself to an 8 hour day at the most to begin with. I always stopped for lunch with my wife and kids. I exercised. I spent time every day with God. And most importantly, I began to understand the truth that God isn't reliant on me, I am reliant on God. And it was with that understanding that I felt God smiling and saying, "ok...NOW you're ready for some BIG stuff!"

Everyone has a need to be needed, but what God needs most from me is to let go of stuff and rely on him. Let him use others. Let the stuff I don't really have time for fall through the cracks. If it is to be, it is up to...someone else.

So last Sunday, I began my paternity leave - 2 days before Holly would be induced to have Emilia. I wanted to spend some time as a family before chaos hit our house again. We went to the zoo. We went out to eat. We laughed and relaxed together. And on Tuesday, Emilia was born.

I joked with Holly that I was starting to not feel well again. She didn't think it was funny.

Somehow, in these two weeks, the Christian religion has survived without me I have a great staff and great leaders in my church who have kept the ball rolling. This Sunday I'll be back in the pulpit, refreshed and renewed despite a new baby and new, shorter sleep patterns, and we're going to launch our life groups. We have 75 people signed up to begin really doing life together.

Make time for what's important. Take care of yourself. Rest in God. Remember you are the one who is relying on Him and not the other way around. Allow things you don't REALLY have time for to go undone. Enjoy life. Turn off your brain for a while and just be still and know that He is God. I promise you, when you jump back into your work, life will have still been able to go on without you and you will be way more productive than when you've worked yourself into the grounnd.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Cemeteries and Greatness

The other day I drove by a small cemetery. In it were several small, crumbling headstones that marked the final resting places of a couple dozen individuals. The cast iron fence surrounding the plots was rusting away. A large tree dominated the space and the grass hadn't been mowed for weeks. Those who were buried in this places were long dead, and long forgotten.

Seeing it caused something inside me to rise up and say, "That won't be me."

And I struggle with that.

Jesus said, "Whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be slave of all."

If that's the case, I want to be the greatest slave ever. Maybe it's cheating the system, but I want to be great.

I've wanted to be great ever since I was a little kid. I found a journal I had to keep in kindergarten. In it I had to write what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said, "president of the united states."

People know who they are. They are remembered after they die.

I know that what really matters is that my family loves me and remembers me, and most of all that God loves me and remembers me. We are only dust. We are a fleeting shadow. We are only here for the blink of an eye. What really matters is eternity.

I know all of this. I still want to be great. And I want to be the kind of great that is remembered.

My gosh, what an arrogant egotistical jerk I am.

Greatness has a lot of different definitions. Many are told only by their families or friends that they are great. Others achieve greatness that isn't revealed until someone is giving their eulogy. A small few achieve widespread acclaim of greatness in their lifetime.

I don't believe that God created us to be bland, average, or mediocre. God was constantly raising up great men and women. God is looking for those willing to be great for Him.

I think it's ok to go for greatness. What's not ok is to absorb it.

Scientists and engineers know that all machines have an energy efficiency issue that must be dealt with. Transferring energy always risks losing energy for its intended purpose. You put in a certain amount of energy, and you get a smaller amount of energy out, because somewhere in the machine is energy loss. For instance, to produce electricity with a gas turbine, you lose a lot of energy. In fact, you only get about 40% of the energy you put into it. The rest of the energy is lost in heat. Muscles are only about 15% efficient, meaning your body can only produce about 15% of the energy that is put in. Ours is also mostly lost as heat, which is why our bodies are so warm. Incredibly inefficient machines.

The same is true with the transfer of greatness. Too often, greatness gets lost or absorbed in the wrong place. I preach a particularly powerful sermon. People tell me, "that was great!" How much of that greatness should be absorbed by me, and how much should be transferred to God? I lead a church through a series of growth barriers and am recognized as a leader by my peers. How much of the greatness should be absorbed by me, and how much should be transferred to God? I write a book, get a new degree, gain accolades, gain followers. How much of the greatness should be absorbed by me and how much should be transferred to God?

Of course, the answer is always 100% should go to God, without whom I am nothing.

One of the big traps pastors...and everyone else...falls into is tat we are pretty inefficient machines when it comes to transferring greatness back to God. Through God, we do something great, and at first, we let ALMOST all the glory go back to God. But something in the back of our minds says, "well...I did have SOMETHING to do with it." God gets like 90% of the greatness credit. Eventually, as people continue to give us praise, we absorb a little more of the the greatness and give God a little less glory. Before long, we begin thinking the God is pretty lucky to have us. And we start absorbing 100% of the accolades we receive.

I still want to be great, but I want to be a different kind of great. I want to be the kind of the person that transfers 100% of the greatness back to God. Whether the accolade is big or small, I want to always remember that none of it belongs to me. What is thought of me years from now really makes no difference. Even if I'm totally forgotten.

So maybe what I really want is for people not to remember me, but to remember God because of me. Maybe that's true greatness. So bury me in a long forgotten country cemetery, overshadowed by a large tree and overgrown with grass. Forget me. But my goal...my hope...is that future generations of my family and people I come into contact with remember God because of me.

How great would that be?

Friday, September 14, 2012

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Should Being Offended Matter?

It takes a lot to offend me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I've just always been that way.

I met my new neighbor for the first time the other day. As I approached him, I noticed his face turn white as he glanced down at his shirt. It was a screen print tee shirt with a funny phrase that contained a certain four-letter word. He immediately said, "please forgive my shirt." I laughed and told him I didn't care.

Should he have worried about offending me?

There is a quote by British author Stephen Fry going around the internet recently.

"It's now very common to hear people say 'I'm rather offended by that' as if that gives them certain rights; it's actually nothing more... it's simply a whine. It's no more than a whine. 'I find that offensive,' it has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that,' well so...what?"


Is he right?

It used to be that people were offended when people broke understood cultural norms. Offense happened when someone acted improperly or didn't regard someone with the esteem that they deserve.

The difference today is that people are offended not when someone breaks a cultural norm, but when someone goes against their own personal preferences and beliefs.

If I say or do something that goes against someone's personal preferences or beliefs, but really hurts no one in any way and isn't against any real rule or law, should I apologize? Should I respect their declaration of being offended?

For me, the answer is absolutely not, and absolutely yes. I do not personally care that someone is offended by something I say or do that is in no way wrong...or something that is especially right in my mind. They can be offended all they want. I have a right to do and say what I believe to be right. So in that regard, I don't care at all that others are offended by me.

But in another light, it absolutely matters to me. One of the biggest problems with humanity today is that we have lost any ability to compartmentalize. Politics does a great job of encouraging this. Paul Ryan lied about his marathon time, therefore he will make a terrible Vice President. Obama once followed a religious leader of questionable moral character. Therefore he will make a terrible president.

I once offended someone with an off-color joke on Facebook. Therefore I am a terrible pastor. And maybe even the God I follow isn't worth following.

It's terrible logic, but it's the reality we live in. I have to be careful not to offend, not because I'm wrong or they have a right to not be offended, but because to them, my offense can be viewed as a direct link to what they think about my Jesus.

Having said that, the truth is, the gospel is offensive. The last shall be first? Turn the other cheek? Grace to those who don't deserve it? Questioning the religious elite? Opposing the proud?

No one comes to the Father except through Jesus?

If I'm never offending people, I'm probably not preaching the gospel. The trick is to recover the lost art of offending and loving at the same time. I'm not always good at that, but it's a balance that pastors continually walk. Some err on the side of offending. There's no need to apologize for speaking the truth regardless of whether or not it offends, but they lose people who will listen to them. Some err on the side of loving. They don't offend because they don't want to drive others away, but they lose the gospel.

But we are called as followers of Christ to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). So if I offend, let it be for the sake of the gospel, and I hope that you still know I love you, and most of all that God loves you.




Monday, September 3, 2012

A 5,000 Flashback! The Worst Thing You can do on Facebook

Thanks so much for all you have done for me in reading this blog. I had no idea what I was getting into when I started writing about social media and it's use in Christian communities. Since last March, Being Followable has had more than 5,000 views, and I've begun to do some teaching around the use of social media in churches for pastors and church leaders in my conference. It's been a wild ride!

So to celebrate, I thought I would repost the most viewed, most commented on, and most controversial of the posts I've done. Turns out, the same post takes the prize for all three criteria!

I've thought about this topic a lot since I first posted it. I'm not sure I've changed my mind, but I've definitely contemplated what I talk about on Facebook in a new light thanks to all the responses this original post received.


The worst thing you can do on Facebook

Full disclosure: I have stepped on this landmine more than once.

And it always ruins my day.

I'm a pretty mellow guy. I don't get too fired up about politics, hot button issues, and all that stuff. I tend to believe that the most important thing for people to come to agree with me on is Jesus Christ and Him crucified. We can work out the rest of the details later on.

But now and then, I will allow something to upset me. I'll get passionate about a somewhat controversial topic. I will find that many people disagree with me, and I know that they are way wrong or misinformed.

And I post a Facebook status about it.

Cue dramatic music.

The worst thing you can do on Facebook is stir up controversy over touchy subjects. Please hear me when I say this: I'm sure these topics are important. They may be consuming a large portion of your personal life. It may be all you are thinking about. You may be absolutely sure that you are right.

Please leave it off of Facebook.

Facebook is really good for a lot of things. It is not good for controversy. Here are some reasons why:

1. It is almost impossible to convey a tone of voice or demeanor over Facebook. I tend to make a lot of snarky comments and I love me some good old fashioned sarcasm. When dealing with hot button issues, sarcasm does not translate on Facebook. People who are passionate on one side of an issue or the other often will totally miss the joke and go straight for why you are an inconsiderate sinner who is ruining the world with your presence and your opinions. It doesn't matter how many smiley faces you put after your comments or how thick you lay it on.

2. Many of the people on Facebook don't really know you. People who really know your heart will likely be able to read the intent behind what you are saying and even if they disagree with you, they will respect you and your opinion. But Facebook is full of people you haven't seen in ten years or had a real conversation with, like, ever. You can't assume people will know where you are coming from.

3. It creates a stumbling block for people. I have been unfriended for comments I have made on issues that are not nearly as important to me as making sure someone knows just how much God loves them. Now, they see nothing positive that I post, and only remember that I'm a Christian and they hate my ideas and opinions. I've wiped out any chance of communicating anything good to them.

Many of these are conversations that need to be had. They are topics that need to be discussed. Just not on Facebook.

Have you ever stepped on that landmine? Was it a topic you didn't realize would be so controversial, or did you know what you were getting in to?

Think before you post, and ask this question each time: Will this help me accomplish the larger goal of making the name of Jesus famous?