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Follow Friday: Joel Osteen

I swear to you, if I ever become the pastor of a mega church, I will get a giant spinny golden earth to stand in front of.

Love him or hate him, Joel Osteen is one of the most influential pastors in the United States. Located in the former Compaq Center in Houston, Texas, Lakewood Church is the largest congregation in the United States with over 43,000 in attendance every weekend. And that doesn't count the people in over 100 countries around the world who watch him preach on TV, read his books, and follow him on Twitter or Facebook.

I had a chance to sit down with the good reverend for a completely fake and in no way real interview.

Me: Hi Joel, thanks for agreeing to do this interview.

Joel: It's my pleasure. I want to help your blog become everything God intended for it to be.

Me: That's very kind. Do you think it has potential?

Joel: UNLIMITED potential! Have you prayed for more followers? More readers?

Me: Not really. I mean, I just want to do my best, and if people like it, great. If not, it must not be meant to be and I'll just do something else.

Joel: Dan, my son, if you don't ask God for the followers, you'll never get them. God is just waiting to pour out a blessing of readers upon you that you cannot even fathom.

Me: Well, my goal isn't necessarily to have the most followed blog. It's just to do my best and give people a chance to discuss this stuff and hopefully learn something along the way.

Joel: Your lack of faith is troubling.

Me: I don't lack faith. At least, I don't think so. I think my blog is worth reading or else I wouldn't write it.

Joel: So it's worth reading, you just don't want people to read it?

Me: Yes..no. Wait. Of course I want people to read it.

Joel: So it's worth reading, and you want people to read it, you just want to do it on your own without God's help?

Me: I totally want God's help. Without God I'm nothing. I'm just not praying for the biggest blog ever just for the sake of having a big blog.

Joel: Dan, if you stop trying to do this yourself and just give it to God, just pray for it, and squint your eyes like me, God doesn't just bless you with a few readers. He doesn't bless you with a couple dozen readers. There will be multitudes flocking to your blog! You just have to ask and believe that it can be done! If you are saying you don't want a big blog, then that means you don't want God involved.

Me: I'm not sure your theology is completely accurate.

Joel: It's worked for me. Look at Lakewood. It's the biggest church in America. I asked for it, and God blessed me with it.

Me: Why haven't other pastors asked God to have the biggest church in America?

Joel: They have. They just haven't believed in it like me.

Me: OK. Starting today, I'm going to pray God gives me the biggest church in America. Your church. And I'm going to believe it way more than you.

Joel: No fair! I'm going to believe it the mostest!

Me: We're getting off track here. Look, the truth is, you inspire a lot of people in the name of Christ, and I think that's a great thing.

Joel: Thanks. It's a huge blessing to get to do what I do.

Me: And I know a lot of people criticize you for the size of your home and the expensive suits and all that stuff. But I just think that people focus on that stuff because they have a hard time accepting the success you have. You really have helped a lot of people.

Joel: It's true. Thank you....my private jet does rock though.

Me: Totally. I'd love to take a ride sometime.

Joel: If you truly believe it, it could happen.

Luddites

It's easy to forget that not everyone lives in Facebookland.

In the 19th century a group of English workmen destroyed mechanized looms in protest. They wanted to keep things simple. The way they have always been. Their mythical leader was a Robin Hood-like character named "General Lud." They became known as the Luddites.

Since then, the term Luddite has been used to describe anyone who is slow to embrace new thoughts, ideas, or technology.

And I stink at ministering to Luddites.

How am I supposed to tell you about Jesus if you don't even have email?

What do you mean you aren't on Facebook.

Wait...you don't even have a cell phone?

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

My problem with Luddites is that I don't understand them. I don't get the way they think. I don't know how to communicate with them. If I'm supposed to meet them somewhere, and I can't text them, how can we possibly find each other?

Apparently, Jesus loves Luddites, too. So how does a tech geek like me minister to someone with a rotary phone?

It all goes back to what Paul said. Become like the Greeks to win the Greeks. Become like the Facebookers to win the Facebookers.

Become like the Luddites to win the Luddites.

Ugh.

Truth is, we have common ground. We have the same savior. We need the same salvation. We just talk about it in different ways. But it is way easier for me to learn to speak their language than for them to learn mine.

So sometimes I need to put the cell phone away and leave the iPad behind, and just sit down for something we can both agree on: a good old fashioned cup of coffee.

Wait...you don't drink coffee?

I think we're done here.

Social Media Pastor?

The other day I heard someone suggest that before long churches might start hiring social media pastors. I laughed.

Then I googled it.

Apparently, this already exists.

I have mixed feelings about this. I go back and forth. At first, it totally excites me. Yay! Churches are at the forefront of ministry! Reaching the lost in the Twitterverse!

But I also can't help feeling like this is every pastor's job. OK, some of them stink at using computers. But logging on to Facebook or Twitter and sharing your thoughts isn't exactly the same as web design or software development. It's pretty basic stuff.

Also, isn't this a great opportunity for each and every person who is a Christ follower and has an internet connection to reach out to others? Have we gotten to the point already where we need social media pastors to be our professional Christians online? If every Christian is a minister, which I believe, and there are Christians online already, why is there a need for a social media pastor?

But then I go back again and I think this makes total sense. I mean, there are Christians in the world, right? Why do we need pastors in the world? Shoot, maybe we don't? Am I out of a job?

Truth is, there is definitely a place in the social media world for some more spiritual leadership, guidance, and caring. If a church can find a way to get a social media pastor, I say go for it. But my hope is that all pastors try to have a presence in social media, and all Christians learn how to share their faith.

I hope we all become followable.

The 5 Types of People on Facebook

So if you want to minister to people on Facebook, you have to know what kind of people you are going to encounter. There are lots of people, but I want to introduce you to 5 of them that you will commonly find.

1. The game player. The game player will almost exclusively post about their exploits on farmville, bejewelled, and other games that can be played on Facebook. You can try to talk to them, but mostly you will get game requests so they can buy a new virtual feeding trough for their new virtual cow.

2. The kid bragger. This person has the best kid in the world. All of their posts are about their child's accomplishments. Their profile picture is of their kid scoring a goal at a soccer game. They feel bad for you and your normal children.

3. The complainer. This person is the black hole of Facebook. They only ever post about how poorly their life is going. They are masters of passive aggressive posts that jab at their ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Their life is in shambles, and they want you to be a part of it.

4. The song lyric quoter. This person has just heard a song that totally defines their life. It will likely impact you in a deep and profound way. "I was like baby, baby, baby oh!" Moving. Insightful.

5. The ninja stalker. You will never notice this person. They friended you two years ago, but haven't posted a status update or new profile picture since. And yet, they log on every day. Maybe twice a day. They see you and your every move. They are judging you in silence.

Again this is just a short list. And just like there are different kinds of people in your church and in your community, there are different kinds of people on Facebook. And guess what: Jesus loves each of them. So...how do you reach the game player? The kid bragger? The ninja stalker?

The New Mission Field

This week I want to explore something I briefly mentioned last week - the new mission field.

If Facebook was a country, it would be the third largest in the world. Twitter would be number twelve.

So let's play this out. Imagine Facebook and Twitter are the world's two newest nations. In many ways, they are. They have their own infrastructure, their own language (hashtags, @ replies, etc.), they have their own social norms, and their own economy. Their economy is only slightly based on the dollar, but more valuable still is your number of friends/followers/traffic. Exposure is the new currency.

If these nations existed in the physical realm, the church (I hope) would immediately send our best and brightest evangelists who have a heart for the lost to share the gospel. I mean, the third largest country in the world has appeared out of thin air in less than a decade! Has the field ever been more ripe for harvest?

There are some peculiarities to Facebookers and Twitterites. None of them are native. They all have dual citizenship in some other physical nation. They all are living in a place where they at least have access to the internet, meaning they have a certain amount of wealth.

How well have we studied these new nations? How well do we know them? Before we throw missionaries in, we would want to educate them on what they will find once they arrive. Have we done our research?

I believe this is one way we as the church need to be viewing social media sites. It is an opportunity to share the gospel. But just like sending missionaries to the rest of the world, you've got to know the culture. So this week, I want to look at the culture of social media, and how we as the church can begin sending missionaries to Facebook.

Follow Friday: Tim Tebow

If I ever have a son, I want him to be just like Tim Tebow. Except with better mechanics. My son would have a quicker release to avoid fumbling from a strip/sack hitting his blindside.

And he'd go to Ohio State, not Florida. But Urban would be his coach so it's kinda the same.

Tim can often be found on Twitter with the handle @TimTebow, in between confounding defensive coordinators and healing blind children with leprosy.

I had a chance to sit down with the savior of the New York Jets for a completely fake and in no way real interview.

Me: Hey Tim! Thanks for joining me.

Tim: No problem, it's the off season, I've got lots of spare time.

Me: Really? It seems like maybe you should be spending time learning the play book for your new team, the Jets.

Tim: Meh. You and I both know I'm just going to pull it down and run anyways.

Me: Fair enough.

Tim: Actually, I'd rather not talk about football. Football is just the platform I use to get to do what I really want to do.

Me: Well, obviously your faith is a big reason I asked you to do this interview, so that's fine with me.

Tim: Yeah...I don't want to talk about that either.

Me: Really? I thought you loved sharing your faith. I mean, you invented "Tebowing!"

Tim: Oh, sure. I totally invented dropping to my knees and giving thanks to God. No one in the history of the world had done that before.

Me: Ok, fine. No Jesus questions. You must've meant that football is the platform you use to promote the Tim Tebow foundation. I heard you just opened a hospital for children in the Philippines.

Tim: Big deal. Who hasn't?

Me: Um...the Philippino government apparently?

Tim: Look, all that stuff is fine, but I'm kind of over it. I'm leaving it in Denver. I'm a New Yorker now! Things are different. I have a new passion, a new calling in my life that I want to share with the world.

Me: Awesome! What is it? AIDS awareness? Homelessness issues? Racial reconciliation?

Tim: Nope. It's...(dramatic pause)...swearing.

Me: Huh?

Tim: Swearing! Four letter words! Cussing! Dan, it's the best!

Me: I'm confused.

Tim: Rex Ryan, my new coach, taught me. My first work out with him, I missed a pass, and I said, "darn it!"

Me: I'm terrified of where this is going.

Tim: Rex flew off the handle! "Nobody gets better I'd they only care enough to say 'darn it!' You've got to get mad, son! Let it out! It's in you, I know it is!" I missed the next pass and said, "dang it!" And then...

Me: What?

Tim: He let loose with a string of expletives that made my ears bleed. I was stunned. I cried a little. I may or may not have wet my pants a bit.

Me: Wow.

Tim: So I missed the next pass. By a mile. And I just felt all the pent up curse words within me begin to rise to the surface. And they came out. All at once. Just a string of swear words and expletives that would make an Italian gangster from Jersey blush. I had never felt so alive. And I knew right then, I had to share this feeling of joy with others.

Me: Ok. This might sound crazy, but hear me out on this. What if...and this is a bold strategy...but what if you stopped missing your passes so badly? What if you decided to get really good at your job and didn't have to live a life of frustration and rage?

Tim: Huh...wow. You think that's an option?

Me: *%&!