Should Being Offended Matter?

It takes a lot to offend me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I've just always been that way.

I met my new neighbor for the first time the other day. As I approached him, I noticed his face turn white as he glanced down at his shirt. It was a screen print tee shirt with a funny phrase that contained a certain four-letter word. He immediately said, "please forgive my shirt." I laughed and told him I didn't care.

Should he have worried about offending me?

There is a quote by British author Stephen Fry going around the internet recently.

"It's now very common to hear people say 'I'm rather offended by that' as if that gives them certain rights; it's actually nothing more... it's simply a whine. It's no more than a whine. 'I find that offensive,' it has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that,' well so...what?"

Is he right?

It used to be that people were offended when people broke understood cultural norms. Offense happened when someone acted improperly or didn't regard someone with the esteem that they deserve.

The difference today is that people are offended not when someone breaks a cultural norm, but when someone goes against their own personal preferences and beliefs.

If I say or do something that goes against someone's personal preferences or beliefs, but really hurts no one in any way and isn't against any real rule or law, should I apologize? Should I respect their declaration of being offended?

For me, the answer is absolutely not, and absolutely yes. I do not personally care that someone is offended by something I say or do that is in no way wrong...or something that is especially right in my mind. They can be offended all they want. I have a right to do and say what I believe to be right. So in that regard, I don't care at all that others are offended by me.

But in another light, it absolutely matters to me. One of the biggest problems with humanity today is that we have lost any ability to compartmentalize. Politics does a great job of encouraging this. Paul Ryan lied about his marathon time, therefore he will make a terrible Vice President. Obama once followed a religious leader of questionable moral character. Therefore he will make a terrible president.

I once offended someone with an off-color joke on Facebook. Therefore I am a terrible pastor. And maybe even the God I follow isn't worth following.

It's terrible logic, but it's the reality we live in. I have to be careful not to offend, not because I'm wrong or they have a right to not be offended, but because to them, my offense can be viewed as a direct link to what they think about my Jesus.

Having said that, the truth is, the gospel is offensive. The last shall be first? Turn the other cheek? Grace to those who don't deserve it? Questioning the religious elite? Opposing the proud?

No one comes to the Father except through Jesus?

If I'm never offending people, I'm probably not preaching the gospel. The trick is to recover the lost art of offending and loving at the same time. I'm not always good at that, but it's a balance that pastors continually walk. Some err on the side of offending. There's no need to apologize for speaking the truth regardless of whether or not it offends, but they lose people who will listen to them. Some err on the side of loving. They don't offend because they don't want to drive others away, but they lose the gospel.

But we are called as followers of Christ to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). So if I offend, let it be for the sake of the gospel, and I hope that you still know I love you, and most of all that God loves you.

A 5,000 Flashback! The Worst Thing You can do on Facebook

Thanks so much for all you have done for me in reading this blog. I had no idea what I was getting into when I started writing about social media and it's use in Christian communities. Since last March, Being Followable has had more than 5,000 views, and I've begun to do some teaching around the use of social media in churches for pastors and church leaders in my conference. It's been a wild ride!

So to celebrate, I thought I would repost the most viewed, most commented on, and most controversial of the posts I've done. Turns out, the same post takes the prize for all three criteria!

I've thought about this topic a lot since I first posted it. I'm not sure I've changed my mind, but I've definitely contemplated what I talk about on Facebook in a new light thanks to all the responses this original post received.

The worst thing you can do on Facebook

Full disclosure: I have stepped on this landmine more than once.

And it always ruins my day.

I'm a pretty mellow guy. I don't get too fired up about politics, hot button issues, and all that stuff. I tend to believe that the most important thing for people to come to agree with me on is Jesus Christ and Him crucified. We can work out the rest of the details later on.

But now and then, I will allow something to upset me. I'll get passionate about a somewhat controversial topic. I will find that many people disagree with me, and I know that they are way wrong or misinformed.

And I post a Facebook status about it.

Cue dramatic music.

The worst thing you can do on Facebook is stir up controversy over touchy subjects. Please hear me when I say this: I'm sure these topics are important. They may be consuming a large portion of your personal life. It may be all you are thinking about. You may be absolutely sure that you are right.

Please leave it off of Facebook.

Facebook is really good for a lot of things. It is not good for controversy. Here are some reasons why:

1. It is almost impossible to convey a tone of voice or demeanor over Facebook. I tend to make a lot of snarky comments and I love me some good old fashioned sarcasm. When dealing with hot button issues, sarcasm does not translate on Facebook. People who are passionate on one side of an issue or the other often will totally miss the joke and go straight for why you are an inconsiderate sinner who is ruining the world with your presence and your opinions. It doesn't matter how many smiley faces you put after your comments or how thick you lay it on.

2. Many of the people on Facebook don't really know you. People who really know your heart will likely be able to read the intent behind what you are saying and even if they disagree with you, they will respect you and your opinion. But Facebook is full of people you haven't seen in ten years or had a real conversation with, like, ever. You can't assume people will know where you are coming from.

3. It creates a stumbling block for people. I have been unfriended for comments I have made on issues that are not nearly as important to me as making sure someone knows just how much God loves them. Now, they see nothing positive that I post, and only remember that I'm a Christian and they hate my ideas and opinions. I've wiped out any chance of communicating anything good to them.

Many of these are conversations that need to be had. They are topics that need to be discussed. Just not on Facebook.

Have you ever stepped on that landmine? Was it a topic you didn't realize would be so controversial, or did you know what you were getting in to?

Think before you post, and ask this question each time: Will this help me accomplish the larger goal of making the name of Jesus famous?

Internet anonymity

There is nowhere darker and more lost in this world than the comments section on Huffington Post. It is a depressing chasm of self-absorbed opinion and slander that makes political rhetoric seem tame.

There's something about the relative anonymity of the internet that empowers people to believe they can say whatever they want without consequence. Things they would never say to another person face-to-face spew from their fingertips as casually as everyday water cooler conversation. Here's why:

1. The Handle

For most people, their internet handle is something entirely anonymous. Fuzzybear872 could be anyone. Sometimes a handle will reveal a small bias towards some part of society. imaredstate. crimsontide4life. iheartskitles19. Regardless, these people can post in almost complete anonymity. Which means virtually no consequence to their words.

This is like a fantasy for many people. How many have day dreamt about the thought: "if you were invisible, what would you do?" The answer to this question almost always is the result of what you would do without consequence.

Can God see the invisible?

My most common internet handle is pastordan23. I chose this handle very much on purpose, because it immediately kills my anonymity. Not that people know who I am, but they know what I am: a pastor. A Christian. Someone who claims to be a follower of Christ. Suddenly, everything I post, say, or do under this handle caries a certain inflection and meaning. Mine is a Christian response. Whether those who come across my posts know me or not, they know what I claim to stand for. I am an ambassador for Christ. This is somewhat for them, but more of a reminder for me that my words are not shared in a godless vacuum, but that Jesus lives in the interwebs, too. It causes me to think before I post.

2. The Inner Desire

"Character is how you act when no one is watching." What you do when you are anonymous shows the real you. If this is true, then the online forums of the internet show a sad state of character for all of us. No one seems to have a predisposition towards grace, mercy, and love in our inner character.

Do we really have that much pent up rage, anger, and frustration? Do we really think so little of our fellow man? Are we really so critical of those in leadership positions? Do we really look at all of those around us who are not like us and think that the world would be a better place if they were nowhere to be found?

If our online actions are a valid indication, it seems to be a sad yes.

3. Power for the Powerless

When those who are normally powerless are able to find any sort of position of power, they wield that power absolutely. They are power drunk.

The internet is fantastic for giving people a feeling of power. When I get double-digit likes on my Facebook post, I think I'm ruling the world and my influence must be incredibly wide-reaching.

If you are powerless and you want a feeling of validation, you need only create an internet persona in a public forum, say something outlandish, and wait for response. If people respond favorably, you must be the voice of a generation or new movement of thought. The world certainly needs more of you...if only they knew who you really were! If people respond negatively, then you are even MORE important! The voice of the minority whom the majority is attempting to silence!

In fact, the only response you could get that would call into question your importance would be no response at all. But if your comment is outlandish enough, funny enough, or brash enough, that is sure not to happen.


So...what is the Christian way to respond to all of this? First, as followers of Christ we need to remember that we ourselves are not unnoticed and anonymous. There is a God who knows our name and sees what we do...even on the internet. Second, remember that even the most vulgar and harsh of internet personas is owned and operated by a real person with real feelings whom God really loves. Third, we have a chance to show anonymous grace and love...the rarest response of all.

Flashback: Like the Facebookers to Win the Facebookers

I originally posted this on March 21, 2012. As I was speaking about all of this stuff at a conference yesterday, I was reminded that it's good to sometimes go back to the basics of what you do and why you do it. This is as much for me as it is for anyone who reads this.

Rick Warren tweeted before Twitter was invented. I remember as I was first reading "The Purpose Driven Life" in college that I was drawn to the short, well-put phrases that filled the book.

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it."

"You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense."

"The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now."

Critiques of the book at the time often centered around these short phrases. Pastors and theologians warned that Warren was simplifying things too much. The quotes were cute and memorable, but that didn't mean they were something to order your life around. It didn't go deep enough.

But what Warren recognized was that this type of communication was catching on in the collective consciousness. The days of people sitting down to read a long, well thought out essay on a particular truth were fading fast. We are a society that likes things in pill form, and we had begun to believe that if you couldn't say it in one or two sentences, then it wasn't important enough for us to read, let alone remember.

In March of 2006, Twitter was born, and over the last 6 years, it has become imperative for thoughts to be shared in 140 characters or less. Today Twitter is used by over 100 million users, and is growing rapidly. One of those users is Rick Warren himself. As of this morning, the pastoral master of the quirky quote has 529,003 followers on twitter.

I have 151.

However, my guess is that my experience as a pastor on social media is a way more likely scenario for most pastors than the Rick Warren experience.

The truth is this: the emerging generations have grown up and gone through their formative teen years with social media. They don't know a world without Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Foursquare, Tumblr, Flickr, Instagram, and MySpace. As Christians, I believe we have a choice. We can either stand up against and try to turn the tide of the culture away from these growing online cultures, or we can embrace them and do our best to live out the Gospel even in these places.

The choice many go with is to combat social media. Whatever happened to kids playing outside? What about REAL relationships? What about face to face interaction? While I don't disagree that there is some validity in asking these questions, the reality is that for many, online relationships ARE real relationships. Honestly, with the amount of time that people spend on social media, there HAVE to be real relationships formed. They may look different from relationships in the past, but they are real in that they begin and end and induce emotion. It is human interaction.

Also, face to face interaction isn't going away. It is still the supreme form of communication and the one most often practiced. But to think that it will ever again be the ONLY way people communicate is a false hope.

Instead of rejecting social media, Christ followers must embrace it. It is a reality we need to live in to. Jesus was the ultimate example of what this looked like. It was called the incarnation. Humanity was dirty and broken and ugly, and yet Christ took on our form and walked with us and talked as we did, living among us.

Paul later explained how he practiced incarnationalism in spreading the Gospel.

"Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. (1 Corinthians 9:19-23)

The places Paul went and the people Paul witnessed to were unclean and untouchable. They were outside of Paul's social norm. But Paul realized that if he wanted to reach them, he couldn't be an outsider. He had to be in and amongst them, becoming like them in every way he could while still remaining blameless in character. He had to be willing to give up the norm he was comfortable with, taking on a way of life that didn't make sense to him, in order to share the Gospel in the most effective way possible.

Our task today in the realm of social media is the same. There is nothing inherently evil about Facebook or Twitter or any other social media. For us today, I wonder for the Facebookers, how can we become like the Facebookers, to win the Facebookers? For the Twitterers, how can we become like the Twitterers, to win the Twitterers?

Flashback: Define "Followable"

This entry was originally posted on March 12, 2012. Thought I would re-share it today. It's always good to remember what you're about and where you're coming from.

I believe that one of the main jobs of a pastor is to be followable. This means that people both CAN follow you and they WANT to follow you. You should make it easy for people to follow you, and you should want to lead them.

Now, before any of you start throwing rocks at me, understand this: the only good reason anyone would ever have for following me is that I am following Jesus. At least, I'm trying to.

Of course it is way better to follow Jesus than to follow me, but my experience has been that I began by following those who were following Jesus until I figured out how to follow Jesus on my own. Still following me?

As a friend of mine used to say, a pastor isn't really a leader. They are just the lead-follower. 

Moses was a lead-follower. He looked at God's people and said, "Ok everybody...follow me!" Then he turned and said, "So God...which way do we go?"  That's what a pastor is supposed to do. They hold God's hand like a child, and call the rest of the children to come hold your hand also. We're the line leader, and we're following the teacher.

But sometimes, the line leader gets so far out ahead because they are afraid they can't keep with with God that the leave the rest of the class behind. You look over your shoulder and no one is there. 

Have you ever driven in a long caravan where only the car in front knew the way? Then you get out on the highway and car #1 just takes off at 100mph. The most important car is now car #2. And trust me, if you are driving car #2, you feel the tension. You have 3 possibilities. 

A) Floor it. Forget the losers behind you and keep car #1 in your sights at all cost. 

B) Forget car #1. The people are looking to you now. Just drive and hope for the best.

C) Stay in communication with car #1, and drive in such a way that the rest of the pack can follow you.

Of course, C) is the best option. Its the only one that assures that you and everyone else gets to the destination. 

In ministry, sometimes we just take off and leave the church in our spiritual dust. After all, if you can keep up with God, they should be able to. If they really want to follow they'll get their rear in gear and go. Why should you have to hold their hand?

Sometimes we do just the opposite and slow to a snails pace so no one gets left out. The result is a shallow, infantile faith that wanders without purpose. 

We must learn to live in that tension between leading and following and leading in such a way that we are followable. 

Really Good Websites

One of the things I suggest when talking to people about how to use social media is to post links to a lot of different things. It lets people know what you've been thinking about, and it also allows you to share a lot of content while doing minimal work. Doing minimal work is one of my favorite things.

In the spirit of this, let me share with you a few of my favorite websites to post things from. You will notice several things: they are often snarky, sarcastic, and sometimes secular. That's ok. For me, that's what a decent part of my life looks like. If I only posted Bible verses and pictures of white Jesus holding babies surrounded by lambs and rainbows, no one would pay attention and everyone would know that it isn't authentic to what my life looks like on a regular basis.

These are in no particular order, and at any given point in time, the list is different. I find that I often get on a kick with certain websites and it lasts about a month until I find some new ones.

1. Ev'ry Day I'm Pastorin'

This Tumblr site is brilliant. It is nothing more than a bunch of animated GIFs that show quirky and humorous situations that clergy find themselves in. I've been told it's funny for non-clergy as well.

2. Jon Acuff's Blog

I have often proclaimed my affection for Jon Acuff. No Christian I know uses social media as well as he does. More than that, he's funny, clever, and well-spoken. His "Stuff Christians Like" is brilliant.

3. Huffington Post

Huffington Post is an online newspaper. Look, it's unapologetically liberal and sensationalist. Huffington Post is to Democrats as Fox News is to Republicans. While I usually steer clear from politically motivated stories, I do find some nice gems in this, as well as in Fox News. But Fox News has a terrible website.

As an aside, some people refuse to get their news from sources that have a slant they don't agree with. For me, I try to stay well rounded, even hearing the extreme ends of the spectrum. Truth is, I minister to people at both ends of the spectrum. It's all a part of speaking their language.

4. Stumble Upon

OK, so this isn't really where I post things from. It's the answer to the question I always get "where do you find this stuff?" Stumble Upon lets you input your interests and then randomly sends you to websites that would meet those interests. You can then continually refine what type of sites it sends you to in an infinite number of ways. It's a tremendous way to surf the web when you don't really know what you're looking for.

5. Know Your Meme

Ever get on Facebook and see people all posting the same type of thing or that video that you've never heard of but everyone keeps referencing? Know Your Meme tells you where these things come from and what they mean. Don't be "forever alone." Check this site out, or Scumbag Steve will tell McKayla Maroney, and she will not be impressed.

6. Snopes

Oh my goodness, people, start using Snopes. Snopes is the place to go when you hear that your favorite actor died in a car accident or that a Saudi Prince wants to give you his fortune. They will tell you if this internet rumor is confirmed as true or not. (Hint: everything is usually a fake)

A lot of posts come from these sites, but actually, most of my posts are reposts of things other people post that I find on facebook, twitter, or youtube.

What are some of your favorite sites?

Raising Money with Social Media

My brother's friend is paying for this year of college with social media.

One the the churches I served raised money for The Wells Project online

Our church, like many others, has a place on their we page where you can donate online.

There are tons of examples where people raise money online through social media. How effective is it? It probably depends on of effectively you use it.

Honestly, I don't have a ton of experience with this. I've done a couple of little things, including the wells page, with varying degrees of success, so I'm hardly an expert, but I feel like this is a growing edge of social media. It's becoming more and more prevalent as more and more people are comfortable making financial transactions and contributions online.

In my experience, there are three things to think about when you're considering doing some online fundraising:

1. Make it easy. If you can run it through PayPal, that's the best, because it's the most common online transaction source for most people. It streamlines the giving process. If it takes more than a couple minutes for someone to give, there's a good chance they'll give up. Also, be precise and let them know what you're asking. A dollar, a hundred? "Fifty dollars saves a life," "twenty dollars lets us do ministry with one more child."

2. Sell it well. You can't just put a "donate now" button on your website and expect people to click on it. Use videos, use testimonies, be brief, let people know how important it is.

3. Make it accessible. If this is on your website, it should also be on your Facebook, twitter, and everything else you can do. People can't give and won't give if they can't find where to do it.

One other thing to think about: using credit cards. It's wide spread and common place. I know there are some Christian financial groups that encourage you to never use credit cards. That's a decision you have to make for yourself. Are you ok with people making donations by credit card when so many struggle with credit card debt? It's a slippery slope, and one that needs thought through before you start accepting online donations.

However, I think there needs to be a presence of online donations through social media for churches and religious organizations. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with this.